Sharing Space With the Dying

There was a hospital bed set up where the table used to be, and the bright sky was showering into the room and onto my friend Alana’s dad, Ryan, who was laying there, crippled by the effects of ALS.

Ryan looked up from his reclined position and his face radiated joy. I had figured Ryan wouldn’t remember me since we had only met a few times over the last decade.

Alana began the reintroduction, “Do you remember Dee?”

Ryan surprised us with his response: “Are you married to the fast runner?”

I paused, wondering how he knew that my husband was a runner, and a fast one at that.

He continued, “His name is Brian, right?”

“Yes,” I replied.

Ryan’s eyes lit up as he shifted in his bed and said with a sly grin, “He was the secret weapon of our Cape Breton relay team many years ago!”

After the reminiscing and laughter faded, I was pulled to the reason I wanted to connect with Ryan: the deeper calling of offering what it is that I can to someone close to death. Ryan must have sensed this too, because he asked, “What is it that you do now, Dee?” 

I stumbled in my response, nervous of his reaction to my role. Thankfully, Alana stepped in and said in her typical no-bullshit style,

“Dee’s a shaman. She works with energy. She’s incredible.”

Ryan looked at me with curiosity and sweetness in his eyes and said, almost sheepishly, “Do you think you could do that with me?”

I sighed a breath of relief, and said, “Of course. That’s why I’m here.”

Alana left us alone, and I picked up a Koshi chime I’d brought with me. I began moving the chime, letting the whimsical sounds land on Ryan’s body. Ryan’s face and body visibly relaxed, taking in the sweetness of the offering. In my mind’s eye, I could see a soft blanket of goodness placed over him, preparing him both for our time together on this day and for what was to happen in the coming weeks.

Earlier, I had been on the front porch with Alana and Chelsey, Ryan’s wife.

“He was talking about the Christmas holidays and his birthday. That’s a few months away. A good sign,” said Alana.

“It’s been a faster decline recently,” shared Chelsey, looking exhausted.

“Mum, you need some help. Let’s hire someone to come and relieve you,” said Alana. “You can’t do this all by yourself. He’s got at least a few more months. You need time for you.”

At that moment, Spirit came into my mind and whispered, He’s got two weeks, if that. My ego mind started reeling: What do I do with that? I can’t tell these women what I heard. It will crush them. But do they need to know? Is this even true?

I was thinking of this knowing sense of Ryan’s shortened timeline as the chime played over him. I knew that after I left today I would not see him again in this human form. I wondered to myself, Does he know his time is so close?

I placed the chime to the side and began to offer healing touch to Ryan’s arms and legs. His whole body was so frail and thin. The bones of his legs protruded through his track pants, lacking the padding of full muscle. I didn’t know much about ALS, except that the neurons connecting to the extremities decline in activation, so I wondered if he could still feel the touch. I got my answer with the look on Ryan’s face: pure, relaxed bliss.

Ryan looked into eyes and said, “Thank you for being so open and vulnerable with me. It’s a huge gift. Not many people can be with someone who is dying and not need anything from them.”

I acknowledged this with a warm smile. He continued, “Some of my friends have come by and they are so uncomfortable that they need me to calm them down or listen to their stories instead of simply being with me.” He paused, closed his eyes, and said, “I love that they came by, but it’s so draining when that happens. I don’t have the energy.”

I used to be like the friends Ryan was describing. When I was younger, visiting my grandparents in the care home or the hospital, I’d sit on a chair near their bed, awkwardly. I wasn’t sure what to do or say. I felt all my own grief and sadness, and I couldn’t really be there for them.

I held Ryan’s hand and said, “My ability to be here with you in this way brings me healing.” Tears started to form as I continued, “You’re helping me heal my relationship with my grandparents when they were dying.” I felt the merging of this moment in time with that of my past.“When I’m softly touching your arm, I’m touching the arm of each of my grandparents. Your gift to me is a gift to those I’ve lost.”

We both let silent tears of gratitude leak down our cheeks. The emotional release opened up another door of awareness. In my mind’s eye, I saw spirits coming into form within the room, surrounding Ryan’s hospital bed. I described one of the spirits I could see, and Ryan knew it was his deceased brother who had shown up, sharing with him that their mother was also on her way. The room filled with warm, shallow water, covered in pink lotus flowers—a celebration for Ryan. His transitional energies and spirits were here to support him in dying. Words from Spirit formed in my awareness, and I spoke out loud, “You can go whenever you like. There isn’t a wrong time.”

Ryan had been thinking of using medical assistance in dying, but had yet to select a date. He said with concern,

“But I need to be alive to give my organs to the people who need them. I need to finish the things that need to happen. I can’t just go.”

Spirit said through me, “The people who need your organs will get what they need. The timing will be perfect, no matter what.” It was as though Ryan needed permission or confirmation, so Spirit added, “It will all work out. Trust that they will get what they need. You don’t have to wait any longer.”

He was being given the space to transition toward death without needing to accommodate others, just like our time together.

Ryan died two weeks later, surrounded by his loving family, and was able to donate a number of his organs. I remain forever grateful for the brief yet significant connection we shared during the last stage of his life. He helped show me how I share space with the dying, and how beautiful it can be.

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Dee is a shaman, healer, and intuitive medium, deeply connected to spirits and energy. By offering clear, intuitive guidance and actionable insights, Dee helps individuals create their own healing and transformation.