Aging Wisely

At what age will I finally be able to give up on vanity, the exhaustion of it all? When will I stop pulling my stomach in, tipping my head down at the camera to hide the double chin and loosening neck? When will the grimace in the mirror stop? The inspection of cellulite on thighs, the new wrinkles around eyes, and the gradual thinning of lips?

I have longed for freedom from the tyranny of vanity, the grip of society’s expectation on women.

Yet, I have had moments—even days and weeks—when the feeling of beauty has crept over me and I’ve been at peace with my reflection. Such instances increase the older I get, but only because I’m aware there’s a beauty within that’s able to radiate from an aging face and make it shine. Sometimes, however, the preoccupation with retaining the blush of youth, can still give rise to an uneasy frown, the sign of a general sadness and discomfort in the way I look and hold myself.

I invite you to look around and consider which faces are the most beautiful to you. Are they really the ones with the latest makeup and hair? Or are they the faces that are soft with contentment? There’s a world inside each one of us. It is the world of ourselves, of god, of our imagination, the very essence of who we are individually. I like to think of this world as having villages, forests, lakes, and streams.

This is a world that needs tending—an inner world that wants stimulation, books to read that expand the mind, friends to share thoughts with, quiet moments to connect with our inner voice. When I care for this world, my spirit world, then my physical casing also appears cared for.

There’s beauty in a look of deep satisfaction.

Beauty in a face of self-assurance. Beauty in the carriage of certainty.

I will let go of vanity one day. It is a process, I know. I will not miss it. I will be free.

I saw a woman
so perfect
so beautiful
(she does not know I write this)

Her smile
was sunlight
and oh! Her eyes
all sparkled with reflected laughter
as though an ocean lay inside

An elder
her snowy hair was piled atop
and her solid
bright body
below
held the whole earth

For me
a new goal was born
(though it is not new, but a reminder)

To waste no more time
on thoughts of nubile body
long gone
the flashing blonde hair
or the slender ankle
and narrow waist
once mine

Let my body
solid
wise
hold this whole universe of joy

Of course
of course
we expand as we age
to hold the grace of this great mystery.
_

This story first appeared in The Body Volume.

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